I want to begin this topic, by saying that marriage in my opinion is the root and foundation of the home.
It goes all the way back to when God created the foundation of the earth. He saw man that he was lonely and needed companionship, and so he created the woman. They were a team. One was not better than the other, and I think that is where a lot of people get into arguments and conflicts, because marriage is often made out to be just another competition. God wants marriage to be more than that. One person can do amazing things, but two working together can do more. So that is why I want to share these five things, that I am learning and realizing are essential steps to having a happy marriage.
1. God has to be our number one priority.
No matter how hard we have tried to make our relationship work without God it was meaningless. I am not saying that you can’t be happy in a relationship if you are not a Christian, but what I am saying is that for me and my husband, anytime that we have put something else first in our lives, whether it be our jobs, kids, family, or something that we should not be doing, it never seems to go well for us. You may have noticed that some of the things that I mentioned are not considered bad things, and in fact they can even be great things, but not when you put them at a higher priority than God, which can be hard to do sometimes, because life does get busy, however it is possible to put God first. Sin is the only exception that will always hinder or hurt your relationship or marriage. That is the second thing that I would like to talk about.
- Proverbs 3:6
- Matthew 6:33
- Matthew 22:37
2. Give each other Grace.
I know you thought that you married the perfect person, and that the only thing that you would fight over was which restaurant you wanted to eat at more, but I hate to inform you that the person that you married is not perfect, and neither is the person that you see in the mirror every morning. One day you will wake up next to the person you married, and their imperfections will start to show, and you will understand what I am talking about, and some of you may already be experiencing this. The truth is that none of us are perfect and we all need grace. Until I realized that it made some days seem almost impossible to love my spouse, and it was really hard. I hated feeling disgusted or frustrated with my spouses imperfections, but I didn’t know what to do about it, until I realized that I had them too, and he had to live with my imperfections just like I had to live with his. Jesus has not withheld His grace from me, when He died on the cross for my sins, so who was I to withhold grace from my husband that I also loved very much. Once I realized this, it made both of our lives so much better, and there was much more peace between both of us.
- 1 John 4:19
- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9
- Ephesians 2:8-9
3. Date each other.
If you want to keep the spark alive you’re going to have to keep dating each other. For some of you that may seem silly, but putting in the effort to make each other happy is important. What is something that interests you both? Do you like nature? Do something together outdoors, and if you do not know what to do then try out different things until you find out what it is that you both like to do. I promise it is so much fun, and you always learn something new about your spouse that you never knew before. I know that sounds impossible, but It’s true. Also don’t forget that the little things matter too. I leave little sticky notes around for my hubby to find, and it makes him so happy. Sometimes just one small act of love or kindness can make the world of difference in your relationship.
4. Remember why you fell in love.
Go back to the day, when it all started. When you caught his gaze for the first time, or she smiled and it lit up your whole world. Remember your first kiss, and how the sparks just ignited when you held hands. Remember the laughs and the memory’s, and even remember the hard times that you have gone through together. Whenever you and your spouse are going through something difficult it has always helped me to look back, and remember when it all began. Think about the first time the words, “I love you,” where spoken, and just watch as your heart opens up and you begin to see your spouse for the person that you fell in love with, and the person that you are still in love with.
5. Stop blaming each other and start communicating.
I know this can be really challenging, but if we just learn to hold our tongue just for a second, and really think about what we are bothered by it will help make things better and not worst. When we get caught up pointing fingers, and bringing up things that don’t matter it only builds and adds on to the frustration. If there is an issue, a worry, a fear just plainly talk about it with your spouse. I promise your spouse is going to be a lot more open to hearing you speak calmly about any concerns you may have, then to hear complaints and nagging. We can start nagging when we are perfect, which is never going to happen, so it’s just best if we don’t.