Disclosure: I am not a doctor and I am not here to cure any illnesses. This is just my personal experience. If you struggle with suicide, or anything like that call the number 1-800-273-8255
Can you remember who you where, before the world told you who you should be.Danielle LaPorte
I remember exactly who I was, before the world told me who I should be. I had a dream, and I still do have a dream, and that dream has always been to become a writer. We all have a dream, but sometimes life can get in the way of who we where meant to be. Depression can be caused by different factors, and for me it was losing my identity, and knowing who I am. It seems as though the older I became the more I would lose a part of me that I used to love. First it was my parents who always told me that my dreams where a little too unrealistic. Then it was falling in love and allowing the love I had for my soulmate to cloud who I wanted to be, and then it was becoming a mother and the feelings of guilt for having a desire to do anything besides being a, “perfect mom,” would consume me. So I found myself lost, in pain, and unmotivated to do any of the things that I used to enjoy doing, including writing. Then one day I was sick of it. I was tired of laying in bed for hours when I woke up in the morning. I was tired of the long nights of restless sleep. I was tired of feeling worthless, and unmotivated. I missed being ambitious and having goals and dreams. And that’s when God stepped in. And I’m sorry, I know I am bringing God into this, but what He did for me changed my life. He helped me rediscover my purpose, and brought me back to life.
1. Waking Up
To shine upon those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide their feet into the way of peace.Luke 1:79
In my experience of being depressed I was alive, but I wasn’t really living. I would wake up and think to myself, “What’s the point of getting up, when nothing is going to change.” Where I used to wake up, and think, “Today something good is going to happen.” I had began to lose hope in life. I didn’t see a reason to truly live. I would have days where I was in so much pain and I couldn’t seem to stop crying. I didn’t know why, but this deep sadness and shadow of darkness seemed to follow me. After about a year of this I decided enough is enough. I tried the pills, and they didn’t work. I tried exercise and wellness and they seemed to help a little bit, but still there was a void in my heart that couldn’t be filled. So I cried out to God, and when I say cried out to God I was literally hands covering my face sobbing, and asking God to show me how to get through this. I didn’t ask Him to take it away, because I know that sometimes God is trying to work through us during difficult times, and so I just prayed for His peace, and that I would feel His presence with me. That’s when I woke up. I found a devotional on depression, and the very day I began to read it I felt an overwhelming peace come over me. A verse came to my mind, and I was reminded that I didn’t have to go through this alone. I was choosing to. So in that moment, I cast my burdens on Jesus, and he began to carry the weight for me. Ref. ( 1 Peter 5:7) Click here to go through this devotional, and Ps. It’s free! https://my.bible.com/reading-plans/3140-breaking-free-from-depression
2. Emotions Are Real
One thing that I realized while I was going through this devotional is that my emotions are real. Negative or happy they all mean something. People may tell you that your emotions are lying to you, and you may have convinced yourself that, but let me just tell you that they are not. It’s perfectly okay to not be okay. If someone is making you feel guilty for going through these emotions, then they are the wrong for that. Even Jesus knew what it was like to carry negative emotions. Read John 11:4-7 for references. The problem is that most of the time I didn’t know how to handle my negative emotions. Negative emotions are not meant to put a label on us, but rather to warn us of an underlining issue. I was often times fixed on that one emotion rather then seeing it as a signal that something deeper was going on beneath. Why was I feeling sad and unmotivated? Asking myself these questions caused me to evaluate my emotions on a deeper level, and it helped me to discover the whys. I felt sad and unmotivated, because of insecurities that I was dealing with and because of the changes that I was experiencing. For example I lost a lot of friends because of my insecurities of losing Stephen. I felt like if I didn’t stay with him all the time that he would forget about me or stop loving me, when in reality the people that I had relationships with before him, and the life I had outside of him where one of the reasons that he fell in love with me, but I was too insecure to see that. So because of that it led to sadness and feelings of guilt and loss, because I truly do miss the people who used to be a big part of my life. I wouldn’t have realized that though, if I had not questioned why I was experiencing these negative emotions. So don’t ever stop with,” I’m feeling this, so this must be my destiny.” It’s not. There’s something more underneath the surface you just have to keep digging, and eventually the bigger problems will come to light.
3. Your Dreams Have Purpose
Have you ever had something that you have always wanted to do, but you felt like it was not realistic? Well did you know that those are just feelings of doubt and insecurities, and even fear that are holding you back? Think about it. For example, say you have a dream of being an artist, and you know that you have talent, and yet you still laugh when you even think about pursuing it as a career. I bet a memory comes to mind, where you painted or drew something, and someone that you loved made fun of it. In your eyes it was a masterpiece, but they just did not get the picture. So that plants a seed of doubt in your mind. And you think, “Maybe I was never meant to be an artist at all?” I think that deep down in your heart you know that you were meant to be one, but you just can’t seem to get past the voice of that person laughing at you. I can tell you this. It is not a common thing to have a creative mind in Gadsden, AL. Most people would pursue something more realistic. Like being a nurse for example. But that is not what drives me. That’s not what get’s me up in the morning, and although being a nurse is a great profession it is not what God has called me to do. Each person is unique, and one of the best ways to get out of a depressed mindset is to pursue the dream that God has put on your heart. And for me it’s writing, and wellness. Don’t allow the feelings of doubt, fear, and insecurity get in the way of being who you where meant to be. It’s in your heart for a reason, and it’s time to take action. God sees you as His masterpiece open up your eyes, and see it too! (Jer. 29:11)
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know that full well.Psalm 139:14
Here is a short and very inspiring video, and I hope that it inspires you as it has me. https://youtu.be/zJDJ7Jvrn0I
I really hope that you all enjoyed this post. I know it is a deep topic, but I want to be real with you all and the things that I am currently going through. If you are going through depression or experiencing any kind of brokenness, please shoot me an email, so that I can pray for you. I would greatly appreciate this being shared, or if anyone wants to leave a comment in the box below. Come back for the next faith related article going through ten emotions that Jesus experienced while He was here on earth. Also don’t forget to subscribe to my blog for freebies and updates. Thank you.
Lauren S. Watkins Momma From Scratch